Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Randomize