She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
