they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Randomize