how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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