You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
