I got chris browned last night
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
