He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
