Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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