I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
