worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
