Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
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