Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
