I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
