Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
