its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
