The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
