you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
