Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize