What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
