dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
