yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
