im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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