I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
i think im in europe. pls send help
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