party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
