I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
two words: eviction party
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
