I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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