It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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