Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
