I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
