May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
