She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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