I think I died a long time ago.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
