she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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