her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
