If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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