um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
