a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
