Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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