Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
