Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize