I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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