I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
