Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
