i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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