Nicole vs. Life
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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