I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I checked into jail on foursquare
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize