she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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