I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
