We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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