I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
