Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
