he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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