I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
