have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
