she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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