Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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