just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
