She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just want to make out with him forever
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
