I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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