Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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