You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
