its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
