It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize