Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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