The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
