John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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