he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
