What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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