You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize