I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I touched a dick in church today
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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