I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
