is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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