Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
