last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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