ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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