i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize