I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
