i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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