dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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