so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Randomize
