I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
