so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My vagina is officially offended.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
