Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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