if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
