Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
