Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
