Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
