i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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