I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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