new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Randomize
