Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
