the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
