i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Randomize