Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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