Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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