what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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