In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
