Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
