Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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