having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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