So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
