pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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