4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
