Just cropdusted the office
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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