just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
