i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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