Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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