I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
